Statue of Imitations

****BEST ITEMS TO BARTER**** – $500000 (glendale, ca)


Reply to: ********
Date: 2009-07-06, 11:24AM PDT

I have several things to barter here is a list. This is THE CREAM OF THE CROP mint condition stuff so dont make low ball offers. Cash is good but I am also looking for other things TVs, electronics, classic guitar, NO REASONABLE OFFER WILL BE REFUSED IF YOU GOT IT OFFER IT I MIGHT BE INTERESTED. Here are the items:

Brand new still in the box Surround sound system 6.1 dolby, retail value is over 1k. I can show you the website

Car system with custom box, 2 phoenix gold subs 12 inch with a custom box 1200 watts each speaker

Electric guitar and amp – Fender

Laptop – IBM T42 great condition 80gig hard drive, works perfect

Kingston mini SD card, unopened

Broken computer – needs a hard drive mainly for parts

Hooka, shish – purple hooka about 24 inchs, rarely used with hoses and tobacco

Michal Cooper autographed mini basketball

PS3 games – UFC Undisputed, Madden 08, Nascar 08.

Standing waterfall – Slate rock, really nice – pour water and enjoy the sounds. No mess no fuss I have it in my house

Sony Viao laptop GSR model its very old – parts only.

______________________________________________________

Me: 
Friend – you really do have some great things.  Let us barter.

Alex:
ok what do you have?

Me:
Well, what is it that you seek?  Not only do I have material objects but I also have great knowledge I would be willing to share with you… for the right trade.

Alex: 
Look stop wasting my time. Give me a list of what you are offering. I seek anything and everything. I dont need great knowledge as I already have that so what material objects do you have.

Me:
I did not mean to upset you or “waste your time” – Forgive me if I did.
 
I have many things you may like.  I have some original paintings (some framed), a coffee maker, broken microwave, popcorn maker (it burns the popcorn alot of the time though), two life size statues of dwight eisenhower (they accidentaly sent me two) a big cd collection and some very interesting books.  I also have an old bike and some shovels.  My jacuzzi is not for sale/trade though, so please dont ask.
 
Which items of yours would you like to trade for mine?

Alex:
do you have pics of the statues and the old bike?

Me:
Here is a picture of my eisenhower statue.  The other one is just like it but its in storage.  Also here is a picture of my bike.  It is very comfortable and has been through alot of funny stories that I can tell you if you want to know them.  Like the time I rode it naked through my college campus (THATS A GOOD STORY – YOULL LIKE THE END!)

bikeeisenstatue

Alex:
What do you want to trade for the statue.

Me:
How about the guitar/amp, waterfall and either the laptop or the car sound system?

Alex:
Ill give you the guitar alone for it.

Me:
You drive a hard bargain.  Eisenhower was a great president and this is a great statue.  He looks really funny when you put different hats on him  (One time my friend put a KKK hood over it – really funny looking) – What kind of guitar is it?

Alex:
Fender. How much is the statue worth?

Me:
It is truly one of a kind so I would say it is almost priceless.  What kind of Fender?  Strat? Telly? Is it American made or Mexican?

Alex:
american strat the neck was replaced a year ago.

Four days later…

Me: 
I am embarassed to admit this, but I broke my statue while trying to get it ready to trade with you.  I have been trying to put it back together for the last couple days, this is why you have not heard from me.  I got most of it back together, but it doesnt really look like Dwight D Eisenhower anymore.  Still interested?

Alex:
nope

Me:
It sort of looks like a down syndrome Tom Bergeron now.  So maybe that could be interesting?

Alex:
maybe not.

__________________________________________________________

Oh SNAP!  

Just think, with this one trade, Alex could have become the world’s foremost conniseur of “Tom Bergeron afflicted with Down Syndrome” art.

Looks like you missed the boat on this one Alex! 

Well, maybe I’ll invite you to my T.B.A.W.D.S gallery when it opens.

maybe not.

Namaste.

31 Responses to Statue of Imitations

  1. Jennifer says:

    Ummm, was he trading a bong? A purple one?

  2. larryisemo says:

    i like how the statue is one of a kind… but you have two.

  3. Ben says:

    I also liked how the statue was ‘life-size’ but was just his head. LOL

    • TyNamaste says:

      Yeah, I never dreamed he’d ask to see a picture of the statues. So, when I looked up “Dwight D. Eisenhower statue” on google images, everything was just of outdoor bronze statues. The bust was the only thing I could find that looked like I could possibly own it. Though I suppose the head could be life sized!

  4. Zeiser says:

    One time my friend put a KKK hood over… Should have linked Alex a picture displaying the statue with a hat.

    To be honest, after your bike story, why would he want the statue? Nor, did he even comment on the bike.

    • TyNamaste says:

      Not to mention, one minute I’m offering him deep knowledge and the next I’m rambling on about drunken naked bike rides. Inconsistent maybe?

  5. Samantha says:

    Listened to LoveLine last night. (:

    The fact that he was interested in the statue made me laugh so hard.

    The whole thing did, actually.

  6. bob b0ll0cks says:

    your site rules. I was sitting with tears in my eyes, laughing hysterically. I’m putting a link to your blog in mine. Thanks for making my day roflmao

  7. Val says:

    This is perhaps my favorite website that I’ve encountered in a long while.
    I, like the gentleman above, have been moved to tears at times.
    My complaint would be the lack of new material in a shocking seven (7) days.

    • TyNamaste says:

      Yeah I definitely haven’t been updating with the frequency you my loyal readers deserve. Some craziness lately has kept me away from it, but I should hopefully have some new stuff soon.

  8. shivfisher says:

    Please – I need more hilarity in my life – Your blog is what gets me through life…

  9. Val says:

    yay.
    I NEED an update.

  10. you omniglock says:

    why,oh whyyyyy has it been 2 weeks since we last got an update?!?

    we neeeeeeeed this.

    :)

  11. Jentina says:

    BITCH UPDATE

  12. Holly says:

    Oh how I miss laughing to the point of tears here. I’m sorry to hear of IRL craziness. It happens, and sometimes the funny has to go on the backburner. It’s understandable, but I hope to read more soon. I like this blog more than a person should like a blog. It’s kinda sick the way I will read the same things over and enjoy them more each time.

  13. I love the complete non sequitur: “My jacuzzi is not for sale/trade though, so please dont ask.”

  14. lameass says:

    my life is empty without fwc. please give me meaning again. <3

  15. Fiendish says:

    This entire site is beyond hilarious. I literally cried reading the archives. Best of luck getting back on track and sorting out all the real-life craziness.

  16. Saddest person on earth says:

    I am so deeply upset. I need an update. All I can do with my spare time now is dress my cat up like an elf but that’s getting old, and now I need your site more than ever. Please – by updating you are preventing my poor sad kitty from being dressed in an elf costume again!! I know that this is something you want to happen. It’s tragic.. really tragic..

  17. Jennifer says:

    You are very missed and very needed! Hope things will calm down enough soon for you to post!!

  18. Amelia says:

    Look how desperately I need you to return to us. I am carrying on conversations in your likeness with CL scamers. Pissed me the hell off because this place looked really nice. No wonder they were getting so many interested people!

    – – – –
    Hi,

    I am very interested in the condo near the University. My husband is a PhD student and will be beginning a Post Doc Position in Winter. When is the condo available for rent and when could I come check it out?

    Amelia

    Also, we’d be willing to move anytime between now and January. Thanks!

    – – –

    Hello,
    Thank you for your interest in renting our home. At the moment, we have received lots of interested parties, For viewing and renting. All we need from you is a credit report. Please Click Here to sign up as that will make things quicker for us to know if we are not wasting our time and setup a time for viewing.

    Thank you,

    Tia

    – – –

    I have a credit report printed out that I can bring to the viewing. When can I come see the condo?

    Amelia

    – – –

    [EXACT SAME RESPONSE FROM "TIA"]

    – – –
    I could even send you a PDF right now!

    Amelia

    – – –

    still [EXACT SAME RESPONSE FROM "TIA"]

    – – –

    Hello, Tia?

    I haven’t heard back from you. I know it’s only been a few minutes, but your first response was so fast I wonder why you are not responding now…

    Maybe you are slow because you are suffering from obesity. I can help you give me a timely response by Clicking Here! [<- Goes to a "free" weight loss site)

    Thank You!

    Amelia

    – – –

    guess what? [EXACT SAME RESPONSE FROM "TIA"]

    – – –

    Tia,

    I continue to receive many of the same emails from you. Why are you not responding to my new concerns? I feel this is a bad way to begin our renter-landlord relationship.

    Also, these emails from you are posted at approximately 2:45 AM. Is your condo located in some sort of magical time warping zone? That may be a problem for my husband and I as we have to be to work at a specific time and it may become confusing for us to live in a home nearly 5 time zones away from the rest of its surrounding area.

    Perhaps that is not the case. Perhaps the condo is actually a portal to a parallel universe. If so, then I am VERY interested in renting it.

    At first I thought the $1100 per month price was too good to be true, but now I now that it is either because of the time warp issue or because you do not want to attract wealthy super villains who would use the portal for evil. Marking the apartment at such a low price and requesting a credit report is sure to keep those wealthy scammers away. You are too clever!

    But, back to the main point. I would really like to come see the condo. Perhaps we can arrange a time, going by your clock or mine, I'm flexible…

    Namaste. [<-See! See what you're doing to us by leaving us alone for so long!]

    Amelia

    – – –

    That was my last email. Tia sent me the same response again. She must get tired of typing the same thing over and over, especially with so many other people probably inquiring about the same things. I wish she would respond to me like the people you email. I'm too chicken to interact with real people through the internet so I'll just stick to this. Please come back soon.

  19. Chris says:

    Must…have…more…jackassery!!! Please update soon…

  20. Johnny says:

    Come back please!

  21. brett says:

    i neeeeed and update. ahhhh

  22. asdfgsdfgs says:

    i guess this is just…
    gone.
    :(
    :(
    :'(
    did you die?

  23. Jen says:

    Oh, please please write more! This is just amazing!

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