Can you dig it?

>>View lots, ROSE HILLS Memorial Park – $2499 (whittier)

Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-06-10, 2:41PM PDT

Mariposa terrace lots 717, no.1-2
Beautiful view lots, 3rd lot from Rose Chapel.
near corner of main road. $2499 each



Me:  Hello.

Do these have to be paid for before you die?


Robert:  yes pay the lots before it can be transfer in your name, and before you die.

Me:  Are there any other Sal Fontaines in the cemetery?  I don’t want people to get confused if they try to visit me  (well, my body).  I will have many visitors.  (I hope)

PS – your cemetery sounds nice

Robert:  I don’t think we can answer that, we have no idea.

Me:  You do not keep records of who is buried in your cemetery?  This is worrisome.  Perhaps I am misunderstanding you.

Robert:  we are not the Rose Hills memorial park, we own this lots acquired from Rose Hills.

Me:  Oh now I understand.  Are these plots previously used?  (I don’t mind if they are, I just hope the bodies have been removed/decomposed before I need the plots)

Sorry for that confusion.

Robert:  NO!!!!! NEW LOTS.

Me:  You are very passionate about this, I like that!!  Its good to find someone trustworthy on craigslist!!  So, are there any Sal Fontaines near your plots?  I understand you do not have info on all graves in the cemetery, but are there within say, 100 feet of these plots?

Robert:  I suggest you check that with Rose Hills, I have no idea.

Me:  That is a good idea, I just was checking to see if you knew off the top of your head.  Do you know if all races/religions are allowed to be buried at Rose Hills?  Do you want cash?

Robert:  All religions are welcome in this park. Of course I want cash, or bank transfer or cashier check or western union.

Me:  This is good.  Most cemetery’s frown on Satanists or they hide them in some terrible, dark, out of the way section of the cemetery.  But is this fair to all my Satanist (and some non-Satanist) friends that want to come visit me? No.  I’m glad to hear I’ll be able to be buried here without causing any problems or getting any grief.  That’s what America is all about. 

Would you like cash or cashiers check better?

Oh and can Rose Hills do standing burials?  (That’s when the body and casket are stood up vertically in the grave rather than horizontally)

You’re the best,


Robert:  by the way, that is 2 lots, I cannot sell one only. It should come by two.

Me:   That is perfect.  I want to be buried in two pieces anyways.  I will just put half in one and half in the other.  This wouldn’t be a problem would it?

Robert:  You will be paying twice instead, or you can sell the other one later. $2499 each..

Me:  Never mind Robert,  I think I have made a grave mistake.


Yeah… That. Just. Happened.



12 Responses to Can you dig it?

  1. angelicdirt says:

    That was… amazing. You actually got to the selling part. Either they are most well-adjusted people in the world, or the most clueless.

    … or they just really wanted to sell those plots. Deathly so.

  2. unclemoe says:

    dude that was awesome. i kept thinking he wasn’t going to reply but then i scrolled down and there was his reply. classic.


    • TyNamaste says:

      Yeah I forgot how much he responded until I was writing this post. He sounded like he was dying to sell those plots….


  3. Jennifer says:

    OMFreakinG! That was a good one. What satanist doesn’t want to buried in two pieces?

  4. Stacy says:

    Good Job, Ty…errr…Sal…ha ha…

  5. Kaysox says:

    This is awesome because it totally sounds like he’s a scammer! Anyone who will ONLY use those methods of payment on something so expensive is untrustworthy. Way to give him a run for his money!!

  6. Holly says:

    Excellent work. Maybe the funniest ever. But, I say that and then the next one is the funniest ever. Keep up the good work.


  7. jen says:

    classic. :)

  8. Bill says:

    On behalf of cemetery operators everywhere, I think what you have done is despicable. The sanctity of the deceased and their dirt is inviolable. A cemetery is about sacred trust between decomposing corporeal entities and their eventually to be decomposing corporeal entity family members and the lovely people who sell them the dirt. I find your sense of humor wholly inappropriate.
    I also thing the property has a nice view and those are always hard to get. The view is very important to dead people.

  9. Jennifer says:

    “The view is very important to dead people.”

    Truer words have never been spoken. I can’t wait to die and see my view!!

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