Going Once….Going Twice…

June 8, 2009


Reply to:****
Date: 2009-06-04, 10:26AM PDT

I am opening an antique auction and I need an auctioneer that is familiar with antiques. If there is an interest in this job please email me or give me a call at (310) 409-**** –Joshua


Me: heythereimanauctioneerivebeendoingitfor10,20,25yearstobeexact peoplehavecalledmethebaberuthofauctioneering oneofthegreatesttoeverswingthemallet(getit?likeswingingabat) iamveryfamiliarwithalltypesofantiques,antiques,antiques,iwillsellthem formaximumprofitandefficiency.ialsoliketomixinjokeswheniamrunning theauctionitkeepspeopleawakeandontheirtoes. sincerelytywilsone

Joshua:  When would you be available to come in for an interview?

Me:  howbout2,canIgeta2,2pm,2pm,doIheara2:30 whateverworksforyouworksforme.


I really cannot believe he responded.  Does he think that auctioneers actually type the way they speak  or does he just assume that the spacebar on my keyboard is broken?

Seriously, I have nothing else to say.  I still cant believe he replied.



Mmm, fruity!

May 15, 2009

Walther-Glas Fruit Bowl Centerpiece – “Swing” Model – Never Used – $5 (Palms)

Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-05-15, 9:47AM PDT

Walther-Glas Fruit Bowl or Centerpiece – “Swing” Model – $5

-Would make a nice wedding gift!
– Never used, I’m a bachelor and don’t need it
– Made entirely of glass, 12 1/2″ across
– Very pretty, decorative accent










Me: Hey dude –  would this be gay to give to my best friend for his birthday?

Charlie:  Well that I do not know. never had anyone ask me that. Made me laugh, so thanks for that. Up to you, man. If he’s like metro or married could be a good gift, I don’t know.

Me:  well i dont think apple valley counts as metro L.A., I think its like San Bernadino county or something.  He’s not married but he does have some fruit trees.  I think it would be cool for him to like have something designed just for displaying fruit but I dont want him to be like “what the hell youre gay you cant come over anymore.”  I guess maybe I could claim its an ash tray if he’s like “why did you get me a fruit bowl – are you a fruit?”  Ash trays are much straighter i think.


Charlie got scared off I guess, but I think I’ve discovered an untapped market – glassware for homophobes.  Not secure in your sexuality but still want to exhibit some amount of class and style? Then try…











Damn straight.  I’m gonna be a bazillionaire.


Lookin’ Sharp

May 10, 2009

SWORD – $1 (Glendora)

Reply to:****
Date: 2009-05-06, 12:59AM PDT

An original conan sword made by marto ind. Comes with certificate of authenticity. I would like cash, but open to some trades. Guns, high powered air rifle, wii games, laptop, whatever you might have. This sword is valued at $450 so please make offers appropriately.



Me:  Friend,

This is a true beauty of a sword.  Please tell me it has not yet been spoken for.



Ozzy:  It is still lying in wait of a new owner.

Me: Does this marvelous blade seem to evoke a certain energy, even, a power perhaps?  It seems to radiate a vibe of domination to me.



I totally thought I had this guy when I saw his first reply.  But I guess I was swordly mistaken.



“Oh, eye see.”

May 7, 2009

Coach Prescription glasses 60obo – $60 (Wilmington )

Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-05-04, 4:45PM PDT

Yo.. Up for sale are a pair of coach prescription glasses. The model on theses is ABBI (544). They’re like a blue/black color. Good condition… Im asking for 60 bucks obo… Thanks!
The best way to contact me is through text or phone call… (424)222-****(424)  is the new 310..lol… Thanks! Pics are crappy i took em with my phone… sorry…



And so it begins…

Me: Hi – are there only certain sports these work for or can any coach use these?  I coach a dart team, semi-pro :)


Joey: Actually.. “coach” is the company or should i say designer that manufactures the glasses…

Me: Ohhhh. So a coach makes these glasses for other coaches?  I think thats what you mean.  They must be especially good if thats the case!

Do they fit good on big heads?


-I guess Joey had had enough of trying to explain that Coach was a brand not for coaches nor manufactured by coaches.  So I made this…

sadcoach If you don’t watch Survivor – this makes no sense.  If you do, it does and hopefully you’re laughing.

“Dragon slayerrrrr!”


Warning: Grafix Content

April 26, 2009

I Am Looking for a turbo grafx 16 (South Gate/Downey)

Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-04-24, 10:13AM PDT

I Am looking for a Turbo Grafx 16. I Am looking to you trade for it. If you have one and want to trade for it then you can send me a message to my email. Thanks



First Email

I will happily trade you two skulls (one human) for your turbo grfx console.  If you have any games, I will give you a amazonian neckless.




Hey wats Up..a human skull??? um..lol  Sorry man but the ad i posted was that i was looking a turbo grafix 16  i dont have one Thanks anyway…

Second Email

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  Well – do you have anything you’d want to trade for a skull?




I love how this guy wasn’t that phased that I tried to trade him some skulls.  He was just mildly amused.  And why does he need a Turbo Grafx 16?  Never heard of emulators?


Chief Frosty Drink

April 25, 2009

Soda vending machines FOR SALE – $100

Reply to:  *****
Date: 2009-04-23, 3:01PM PDT

needs a little work but it holds cans good for five selection i used it for my boys room its 65 cent machine so you can charge your friends a drink .. i did its a great piggy bank



First Email

How many cans can it hold?  Can you use beer?  Can you adjust how much it costs for a drink?  Do you think it would look good with a native American warrior airbrushed on the front?
Oh and has anyone famous ever used this???
Thanks – very interested!

it can hold over 120 cans it .. as long as the can is a 12oz can then beer or what ever you want will work.no one famous owned it ..it is possible to change out the cost of the can but you have to order the parts for the machine to do it .. if you personalized it . it would be authentic air bushed or what ever you want….


How informative, I suppose it would be  “authentic  air brushed” or whatever I want.  I’m sold!


Awesome, I’d almost actually consider buying this. 


Look into my crystal bowl

April 25, 2009

Crystal Bowl – $45

Reply to: *****
Date: 2009-04-23, 9:58AM PDT

beautiful hand cut crystal
ooooooh fancy!

First Email
Amazing bowl!  But how big is it?  Could I fit like, a head in it?  Not that I’m going to haha!
The bowl is about the size of a head but you couldn’t get a head in it
213 925 ****
well then I’m definitely not interested, TERRY, you kill joy.
Namaste to you sir!