A Tribal Tattoo, of sorts

July 6, 2009

DOPE TATTOOS! (CHATSWORTH )


Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-07-02, 11:16AM PDT

OFFERING MY TATTOO SERVICES FOR THE FOLLOWING OR CASH!

BLURAY PLAYER
LCD HDTV
35″ TIRES
MACBOOKS, IBOOK, POWERBOOK G4, ETC.
PRO RECORDING STUDIO EQUIPMENT
REFRIGERATOR

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GOT AND MAYBE WE CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT!

lion

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

___________________________________________________________

Me:
I have many things.  lets trade

Pain (yeah, that’s his “name”):
WHAT DO YOU HAVE? 

CAN YOU LIST ME YOUR STUFF?

Me: 
Yes.  I have…

  • HDTV
  • bag of animal hair (few different kinds of animals)
  • knife collection
  • Laptop
  • rhino horn (REAL)
  • some small taxidermy animals (moles, mice, squirrels – that type of thing)
  • Ipod video
    some “spices” and “herbs” from far away places

I would like a tattoo that will honor my heritage and the proud traditions of my people.

Pain:
hdtv is cool! what brand and size?

what tattoo are you trying to do?

also the laptop, what kind and specs?

Me:
The hdtv is Mitsuhishi (not mitsubishi)  It is a knock off from Japan but works pretty good most of the time.  It is a 26 inch screen.  I bought it while on a round the world trip of the world.  I have some wonderful pictures I could show you if you want (NOT NAKED)
 
The laptop an acer.  13″. 1.2ghz 256mb ram. has dvd/cd burner but there is an “adult” film stuck in the drive – so you’ll need to be at least 18 to get this from me.  I hope this is not a problem.  It is a good film.
 
I was thinking of something with an indian warrior.  My specific tribal ancestors were very violent.  They often ripped their prisoners hearts out of their chest.  So maybe a warrior splitting open a rib cage and reaching in the chest cavity for the heart.  You seem very skilled so I dont think this would be a problem would it?  Do you think it is too gruesome?
 
Thank you for your quick replies,
Ty

Pain:
ARE YOU TRYING TO DO A BACKPIECE?
SOMETHING WITH THAT MUCH DETAILS WOULD BE MORE APPRECIATING IN A LARGER SCALE
TO SEE MORE DETAILS. AND NO IT ISNT TOO GRUESOME. AND YES I AM WAY OVER 18.
IS THE TV AN LCD FLAT PANEL?
WHEN DO YOU WANT TO GET STARTED? DO YOU HAVE ANY PICS OF YOUR ANCESTORS THAT I
CAN VIVE OFF OF?

Me:
A backpiece sounds like a good idea.  I would like it to be very detailed and I think you can do it very good.
 
 I have spoken to a friend about it and he believes there should also be like two wolves (maybe just one) that belong to the warrior also tearing at the dead prisoner’s body, being loyal to their master. There should also be a squaw (indian woman) in the background who is just barely covering her nipples with either her hair or her hands.  Or do you think her nipples should show? I value your input.
 
 She should also be looking at the warrior with a little bit of lust in her eye.  And I would like her to have braids.  Her breasts should be quite large (not comically large – just full, like when a woman is nursing)  She should not be naked on her lower half though.  Do you think it would look better with the sun in the sky or a full moon?
 
The tv is flat screen but it is very heavy,  And I am glad you are over 18, you will like the movie in the dvd drive very much.
 
I have attached a picture similar to what my ancestors looked like.  Very imposing and majestic dont you think?  Would you like me to find an indian woman too for inspiration?

my people

 

 

 

 

 

Pain: 
so the tv isnt one of those thins tvs you can mount on the wall?

Me: 
No you can.  It is just heavy.  Just need a good mount.

Pain:
COOL! I WILL DRAW IT UP AND TAKE IT FROM THERE.

___________________________________________________________

It’s been three days and “Pain” never got back to me.  On one hand, I am sad that I don’t have a hilariously violent sketch to share with you of an Indian, aided by his trusty wolves,  ripping out the heart from his enemy’s chest cavity while a lustfull squaw looks on.

On the other hand, I’m really grateful that I didn’t have to tell some tattoo artist named “Pain” who had spent hours on back piece sketch why I would no longer be seeking his services.

But hey – if YOU would like to try your hand at sketching this wonderful tattoo, feel free to send me a sketch at tyler.funwithcraigslist@gmail.com.  If you’re not artistically inclined – all the better, it will just be funnier.

If I get a few, I’ll post them on my blog.   Just imagine how famous you could become.

Namaste.


Lizard Tales

June 26, 2009

Bearded Dragons for sale (Miami)


Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-06-22, 5:32PM EDT

Bearded dragons for sale.  they are 7 weeks old.  will include a month’s worth of food.

lizards

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

__________________________________________________________

Me: 
Hello – do you still have these little guys?

Tim: 
yes I do, are you interested.

Me: 
Very.  My roommate is absolutely terrified of lizards.  These look especially scary. 
 
I think I may be able to finally make him pee himself.  We have a bet, if I get him to pee himself before he gets me to throwup I win $800 bucks.  I’ve gagged a few times but havent quite yet thrown up  It was close though when he left the rotting cat in my pillow case. YUCK.
 
dont worry though, the lizards will face no danger.

Tim: 
You guys have a weird way of pranks, but to each is his own.  Whenever you would like to see them let me know and I can make arrangements for you to do so.  They are babies and are tiny right now (notice the pic on the right) but they do grow to a nice size.  I have two adults that you can see (not for sale). just le me know

Me: 
Haha yeah we do.  I was THIS close to getting Joey to pee last week.  I paid my friend from work 50 bucks to hide in Joey’s closet and wear a ski mask while holding a knife.  Unfortunately, when Joey opened the closet he actually just passed out from shock.  Haha he didnt talk to me for 3 days.  That’s when he put the cat corpse in my pillow case. 
 
Do you have any ideas as to what way I could display the lizards to scare him really badly?  After the initial scare though, we will keep the lizards as our regular pets.  I already have most of the supplies.

Tim: 
whenever u see them you can decide the best way to display them.  I dont know how you rooms are set up.

Me: 
Whats the most I could get?

Tim: 
forty bucks a piece, so thats up to you, and I have 5 left

Me: 
Do bearded lizards tails come off like other lizards?  I was thinking about maybe waiting for him to fall asleep.  Then I’ll dangle them from some fishing line (tied around their tailes) above his face and wake him up. Obviously, this will not be a good idea if their tails are the kind that detach.  I would probably want to buy all 5 though.
 
Haha I’m going to end up spending more than $800 just trying to win the $800.  Oh well

Tim: 
That’s definitely not a good idea to hold them by their tails and they will come off.  They are ready to go whenever you are ready.

Me: 
Please tell me then what I shall dangle them from?  I am committed to my plan.

_________________________________________________________

Can you believe Tim abandoned me in my time of need?  He was right there, right in the thick of things, ready to help me make my roommate pee himself, but then we hit one little hitch in the plan and he runs off and leaves me alone with a great plan and zero lizards.

Tim, do not expect me to come to your aid ever again.  You are alone in your struggles.

Namaste.


Stuffed Animals

June 18, 2009

STEPHEN KING MOVIE ANIMALS — PET CEMETERY II (Georgia)


Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-06-15, 2:45PM PDT

I have some of the animals that were used in the Stephen King movie PET CEMETERY II. I have documentation for these as well. (I have more things for sale that you can see by CLICKING ON A PICTURE. I am in ATL

catsdog

___________________________________________________________

Me:  THESE ANIMALS ARE AWEEEEEEEEESOME! 
 
DO YOU STILL HAVE THEM?
 
SALOMON (BUT YOU CAN CALL ME SAL, OR SALL)

Myron:  yes

Me:   Myron – how did you steal these from Stephen king?!  I bet that is a good story to hear!

Myron:  Didn’t steal them . I have a Taxidermy shop (had) here in Covington. They came to me and leased them for the movie and then returned them to me.

Me:  Oh I see – I am sorry, I did not mean to assume you were a criminal.  What happened to your taxidermy business?  I have always wanted taxidermied animals in my life.  Lots of times at the zoo I see all the animals, like tigers, lions, chinchillas, etc and I think “I would really like to own that animal but I would not like to be afraid for my life”  And that is when I decided that taxidermy would be a good compromise.
 
Take your crazy white dog and those wild cats for example.  I would be scared of them in real life but when they are dead I just laugh and think about how funny they would look with beer cans resting on them.  This will sound foolish, but they wont bring me any bad luck will they?  Pet Cemetery was very creepy and I wouldnt want to buy any cursed animals.  Please do not mock my spirtuality.
 
How much  (including shipping) for these wonderful specimens

Me (1 day later):  I am still waiting for your response Myron.  Hope all is well.

Me (2 days later):  I WANT TO BUY THE ANIMALS PLEASE!  I GET VERY IMPATIENT!

__________________________________________________________

No taxidermy animals for me.  I guess Myron got a little sensitive when I insinuated his animals were cursed.

Or maybe Stephen wanted his pets back.

Namaste.


Horsing around

June 14, 2009

i will work with your horse for????? (will travel in sfv palmdale areas)


Reply to: see below
Date: 2009-06-11, 9:48AM PDT

I will ride your horses in exchange for any horse tack, panels, or any other horse stuff you may want to trade. I can also walk, pony, bathe, groom, turn out. blanket or just clean stalls…. also looking for small friendly goat for company for one mare.

______________________________________________________

Me: 

I have a steed in need of breaking.

Can you do this?

Sal

Ronda:  yes I can how old?

Me:  I’m not sure.  I found him wandering my property.  He is pretty big. I know it is a he because I saw his "male parts."  He is all black (but with one white spot that kind of looks like a billiard ball).  He is very wild though and I can’t get near him.  Can you assist with this?

Ronda:  possibly where are you located

Me:  Sun Valley, in the hills.  I’ve found horses on my property before, but this is the first one that was alive when I found it.  I dont know where they are coming from.  What would you like in return for your services?

Ronda:  i am desprate for one stall all for panels with a gate..  I am taking in a rescue horse but I didn’t realize she needs to be in a stall.  my others are in pasture.

If the horse is still on your property go get some alfla and start feeding him, if you haven’t already make sure he has water too.  You can start putting out a bucket of carrots too.  He will come back at feeding time if you are consistant.  Same time every day…..  Don’t waver in the feeding times.  Horses need to eat every twelve hours and they must have water.

Unfortunately I am going out of town until Monday but he should stay around if you are feeding him.  I can come over next week and try to catch him.  Are you planning on keeping him? 

My name is Ronda and my husband will be helping me his name is Daniel we could come when we get back in town.  sorry it couldn’t be sooner.

let me know what is good for you.

Me:  this horse seems intent on killing me.  it gives me crazy eyes and runs at me whenever I try so much as even look at it.  I am frightened.  It is quite good at sneaking up on me.  But I am sad to say I have no stalls/stables for your use.  I do have a garage though.  Thank your for your feeding tips.

________________________________________________________

I feel kind of bad about messing with Ronda.  She was very nice and gave me some great tips for caring for a stray horse, should one ever come into my possession.

However, she was not very helpful when it came to the whole killer horse thing.

Namaste.


Skullduggery in Iowa

June 10, 2009

~/~/~Cow Skull~/~/~ – $40 (Beaverdale)


Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-06-04, 8:44AM CDT

Cow Skull for sale – in really good condition. $40

cowskull

 

 

 

 

 

 

___________________________________________________________

Me:  What sort of skull is this?  It looks impressive.  Strong.
 
Namaste to you, kind hunter,
Ty

Katie:  It’s a real cow skull.

Me:  Oh how wonderful!  Did you hunt the cow yourself?  I have never hunted cow, mostly just squirrel and other ground varmints.  Your cow skull would look wonderful in my den.  I think my family will like it when they visit (but I wont let my uncle Herman see it – he likes to lick things :( I dont know why) 
 
How much were you hoping to sell it for?

Katie:  $40 for the unlicked version

Me:  I sure hope its unlicked!  Silly uncles.  You never said how you killed the cow? I bet it was a great hunt!!  Is the skull pickup only or can I arrange for shipping?

Katie:  I’m afraid the cow died of natural causes.  And it’s for pick-up only – I would hate to ship it and it break.  Cash only too.  Thanks!

Me:  I am sorry to hear the cow died of natural causes.  I hope it did not suffer.  It was obviously a beautiful and majestic animal.  I live in Oregon.  Are you coming here any time soon? (We dont have sales tax and we have some really big lovely trees! I can show you them!)  I really need this skull.

Me:  SKULL SKULL SKULL SKULL SKULL

___________________________________________________________

 This is my first interstate interaction.  What a historic moment.   Katie is from Iowa and I was sent her ad by reader Stacy.  If you see something particularly interesting/lame on craigslist, feel free to email your submissions at tyler.funwithcraigslist@gmail.com and I may just have some fun with them.

Namaste.


Charcoal or Gas?

May 19, 2009

BBQ – $40 (WEST HILLS)


Reply to:****
Date: 2009-05-18, 10:09AM PDT

BBQ AS IT IS, WORKING GOOD, IN A GOOD CONDITION
bbq
____________________________________________________________

Me: Greetings friend, is your bbq still available?

Joe: hello please call (818) 610 **** because we had 2 bbq and i will tell you which one we sold which one is still in thank you .

Me: Would your BBQ be good for cremating small mammals? I believe my favorite hamster, Pablo Escabar XIV will be passing away soon. I would like to cremate him in a respectful manner. Sorry for the strange question.

Joe: no problem its ok
and yes it would be

Me: I really dont mean to be creepy or morbid, I just have alot of pets that I love. (Though some I like more than others!) It’s just getting so expensive to keep cremating them all, so I figured in these hard economic times, this would be a good way for me to cut costs while still respecting my little furry friends and their transition to the afterlife.

What do you think is the biggest animal that could fit on it?

Blessings,
Ty
__________________________________________________________

puppybbq

No reply from Joe.

I guess I’ll never know if Fleabag and Mr. Ugly would have fit on Joe’s BBQ.

 

Namaste.


Wanna Iguanna?

May 14, 2009

Box Fan – $8


Reply to: *****
Date: 2009-05-14, 1:02PM PDT

For Sale Box Fan in good condition call mike @ 310-659-****

boxfan

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

___________________________________________________________

Me:  How loud is your fan?

Mike:  If it is on High because it really moves the air it does have a noise. But on low hardly any at all. Mike

Me:  Oh okay.  I ask because I have a new brood of iguanas in my terrarium.  They need to have a constant airflow on them but it cant make noise.  If it gets noisy they start making the most terrible little reptilian screams you have ever heard.  It sounds sort of like small birds having their legs ripped off :-\  You can imagine how horrible that would sound coming from thirteen of the little guys.
 
Though I suppose if the fan is loud enough, it might mask their screams.
 
About how tall is the fan?

Mike:  Never measured it??  I guess 18-24″ I’ll have to take a measurement of the fan and get back to you. This may take some time, I use the library for Internet and the fan of course is at home. if you call and leave a # I’ll measure it and call and leave the info for you. I’ll even put  the fan next to the phone so you can hear how loud every setting is low med. high.  best i can do

Me:  I don’t have a phone :(  I used to but it made too much noise when it rang and yep, you guessed it, the iguana’s would start screaming their little heads off.  I discovered I could keep them much happier by typing quietly on the computer so I use the internet exclusively now. 
 
Could you go home and then call the library and then have the librarian listen to the fan and then have the librarian email me and let me know how loud it is?

Would you accept an iguana for your fan?

___________________________________________________________

iguana

Mike never responded.  So I’m assuming he would not like an iguana in trade for his fan.

Or his time was up on the library computer.

Namaste