Statue of Imitations

July 8, 2009

****BEST ITEMS TO BARTER**** – $500000 (glendale, ca)

Reply to: ********
Date: 2009-07-06, 11:24AM PDT

I have several things to barter here is a list. This is THE CREAM OF THE CROP mint condition stuff so dont make low ball offers. Cash is good but I am also looking for other things TVs, electronics, classic guitar, NO REASONABLE OFFER WILL BE REFUSED IF YOU GOT IT OFFER IT I MIGHT BE INTERESTED. Here are the items:

Brand new still in the box Surround sound system 6.1 dolby, retail value is over 1k. I can show you the website

Car system with custom box, 2 phoenix gold subs 12 inch with a custom box 1200 watts each speaker

Electric guitar and amp – Fender

Laptop – IBM T42 great condition 80gig hard drive, works perfect

Kingston mini SD card, unopened

Broken computer – needs a hard drive mainly for parts

Hooka, shish – purple hooka about 24 inchs, rarely used with hoses and tobacco

Michal Cooper autographed mini basketball

PS3 games – UFC Undisputed, Madden 08, Nascar 08.

Standing waterfall – Slate rock, really nice – pour water and enjoy the sounds. No mess no fuss I have it in my house

Sony Viao laptop GSR model its very old – parts only.


Friend – you really do have some great things.  Let us barter.

ok what do you have?

Well, what is it that you seek?  Not only do I have material objects but I also have great knowledge I would be willing to share with you… for the right trade.

Look stop wasting my time. Give me a list of what you are offering. I seek anything and everything. I dont need great knowledge as I already have that so what material objects do you have.

I did not mean to upset you or “waste your time” – Forgive me if I did.
I have many things you may like.  I have some original paintings (some framed), a coffee maker, broken microwave, popcorn maker (it burns the popcorn alot of the time though), two life size statues of dwight eisenhower (they accidentaly sent me two) a big cd collection and some very interesting books.  I also have an old bike and some shovels.  My jacuzzi is not for sale/trade though, so please dont ask.
Which items of yours would you like to trade for mine?

do you have pics of the statues and the old bike?

Here is a picture of my eisenhower statue.  The other one is just like it but its in storage.  Also here is a picture of my bike.  It is very comfortable and has been through alot of funny stories that I can tell you if you want to know them.  Like the time I rode it naked through my college campus (THATS A GOOD STORY – YOULL LIKE THE END!)


What do you want to trade for the statue.

How about the guitar/amp, waterfall and either the laptop or the car sound system?

Ill give you the guitar alone for it.

You drive a hard bargain.  Eisenhower was a great president and this is a great statue.  He looks really funny when you put different hats on him  (One time my friend put a KKK hood over it – really funny looking) – What kind of guitar is it?

Fender. How much is the statue worth?

It is truly one of a kind so I would say it is almost priceless.  What kind of Fender?  Strat? Telly? Is it American made or Mexican?

american strat the neck was replaced a year ago.

Four days later…

I am embarassed to admit this, but I broke my statue while trying to get it ready to trade with you.  I have been trying to put it back together for the last couple days, this is why you have not heard from me.  I got most of it back together, but it doesnt really look like Dwight D Eisenhower anymore.  Still interested?


It sort of looks like a down syndrome Tom Bergeron now.  So maybe that could be interesting?

maybe not.


Oh SNAP!  

Just think, with this one trade, Alex could have become the world’s foremost conniseur of “Tom Bergeron afflicted with Down Syndrome” art.

Looks like you missed the boat on this one Alex! 

Well, maybe I’ll invite you to my T.B.A.W.D.S gallery when it opens.

maybe not.



“The Sun Sets On Ty” or “The Sun Sal Rise Again”

June 11, 2009


Update: I registered a new email address for my most recent interactions.  People were beginning to search “Ty Wilsone” on google and suss me out as a joker.  Thus, I introduce to you my newest alter-ego, Mr. Sal Fontaine…

soothing sunset wall art – $25 (los angeles)

Reply to:****
Date: 2009-06-10, 2:31PM PDT

If you like sunsets, these prints will warm up your room(s) perfectly.

large matte silver frame: 33″L x 45″W = $25 (the frame is ready to hang with the wire attached on the back)

unframed sunset print: 19″L x 24″W = $10 (the glare is from the plastic still on print – never opened)

Thanks for looking.



 Did you paint these?


Hi Sal, 

 No, I wish I could.  It’s a photograph, matte finish.  Do you want it?

Me:  I see now.  You are a very talented photographer!  Your pictures that you took look just like paintings!  Where did you learn such a technique?  I am very jealous.  Can you sell me both or just one?  I understand if you want to spread your art around for promotion sake.

Marian:  Funny how you think I took these.  I’m actually planning to do more photography work.  It’s just a hobby but who knows, I could be challenged to see where it would go.

Thanks for the compliments but I didn’t take these.  Just bought them awhile ago for my office.
Of course, if you want both the photos – they’re yours.  I’m showing them tomorrow during work hours.

I’m located in downtown L.A. near 9th and Los Angeles Streets.

Let me know when you can make it.

Me:  I feel so foolish.  I hope I didn’t offend you :(

I just really like sunsets and I get excited when I see them (real ones and not real ones)
A sunset is like the perfect metaphor for life.  Sometimes we are hot and the world revolves around us but then we go down and hide and then the moon comes up and is dark and scary and bad things happen, but then we come back up again and life is good.
Is your office in a sky scraper?

Marian:  I don’t have windows in my office so I wanted the outdoors in at my 15 story “skyscraper”. 

I’m drawn to sunset colors – from golden yellow to siennas to soft reds.
In the office it warms up the place.

So, do you want them?

Me (12 hrs later):  15 stories! Wow, thats like… what, 500feet tall?  Thats like 3 football fields I think!  I hope one day I can work in such a tall building.  But why didnt they give you any windows?  That sounds mean of them.  Especially someone who loves sunsets so much.  Do you ever watch sunsets from the top of your building?  Maybe that would be a good place to take back up your hobby of photography and painting!  Very peaceful :)  So did you still want to sell me your lovely sunsets or has someone else already got them while I was sleeping :(

Marian:  I’ll be in my office today and tomorrow.  That’s in downtown LA near 9th & Los Angeles Streets.

Let me know if that works for you.

Me:  Can I come at sunset?  It will be like 3 for the price of 2 :-D – Maybe you can show me the roof access?

Marian:  Right now, I’m selling 2 sunsets on paper – between 12 and 4PM.   Does that work for you?  I think you’ll like them.

Me:  This will sound strange but can you add me to one of the pictures?  I can send you a picture of me and you cant print it out and add it so that it looks like I am at the dock having a swell time? maybe two pictures of me so that it looks like I am having fun with my twin or maybe a clone of me!  I can pay extra!

Marian:  Hey Sal,  I’m selling these prints as is.  If you’re interested in buying them, great.  If not, best to you.

Me:  Or maybe I could be in a canoe next to the dock! That could be a fun time!   Please let me know when you’re able to put me in the picture.  In the meantime I will look for my money (it always goes missing!)
You’re the best,


I guess my picture isn’t ready yet because I haven’t heard from Marian.  Thats good though, considering I haven’t been able to round up my money.



May 18, 2009

Wood picture frames x3 – $15 (USC)

Reply to: *****
Date: 2009-05-18, 11:12AM PDT

Dimensions height 28″, length 40″ width 1″ Excellent condition, pick up only. Scenic, relaxing pictures can be included.

Email me your interest….thanks


(I think this says… “DESTINY – Yours involves a ton of rowing”)


Me: Are your wooden frames still available?

Will: Yes they are still available, and they have posters in them if you would like those as well.  You can pick them up anytime today or tomorrow.  My phone number is (847) 529-****.  Call or e-mail me back and let me know when you can come.  Will

Me: Do the posters contain any satanic imagery?

Will: No, the posters are just scenic, nature posters.  One is a picture of a hammock on the beach, one is a canoe on the ocean, and other relaxing pictures.  The posters can be easily removed if you don’t want them, but if you do we can just keep them in the frames.  Call or e-mail me back and let me know.

Me: Can I put some satanic imagery in them?

Will: Yes you can put anything you want in the frames, I can easily take out the pictures I have in them.

Me: Alright, I have spoken with my advisor, and I would like to purchase your satanic images.  We would like any and all satanic imagery that you have.  (Please consider us before anyone else who may have inquired about them)


Will didn’t get back to me.

What the Hell?