Statue of Imitations

July 8, 2009

****BEST ITEMS TO BARTER**** – $500000 (glendale, ca)


Reply to: ********
Date: 2009-07-06, 11:24AM PDT

I have several things to barter here is a list. This is THE CREAM OF THE CROP mint condition stuff so dont make low ball offers. Cash is good but I am also looking for other things TVs, electronics, classic guitar, NO REASONABLE OFFER WILL BE REFUSED IF YOU GOT IT OFFER IT I MIGHT BE INTERESTED. Here are the items:

Brand new still in the box Surround sound system 6.1 dolby, retail value is over 1k. I can show you the website

Car system with custom box, 2 phoenix gold subs 12 inch with a custom box 1200 watts each speaker

Electric guitar and amp – Fender

Laptop – IBM T42 great condition 80gig hard drive, works perfect

Kingston mini SD card, unopened

Broken computer – needs a hard drive mainly for parts

Hooka, shish – purple hooka about 24 inchs, rarely used with hoses and tobacco

Michal Cooper autographed mini basketball

PS3 games – UFC Undisputed, Madden 08, Nascar 08.

Standing waterfall – Slate rock, really nice – pour water and enjoy the sounds. No mess no fuss I have it in my house

Sony Viao laptop GSR model its very old – parts only.

______________________________________________________

Me: 
Friend – you really do have some great things.  Let us barter.

Alex:
ok what do you have?

Me:
Well, what is it that you seek?  Not only do I have material objects but I also have great knowledge I would be willing to share with you… for the right trade.

Alex: 
Look stop wasting my time. Give me a list of what you are offering. I seek anything and everything. I dont need great knowledge as I already have that so what material objects do you have.

Me:
I did not mean to upset you or “waste your time” – Forgive me if I did.
 
I have many things you may like.  I have some original paintings (some framed), a coffee maker, broken microwave, popcorn maker (it burns the popcorn alot of the time though), two life size statues of dwight eisenhower (they accidentaly sent me two) a big cd collection and some very interesting books.  I also have an old bike and some shovels.  My jacuzzi is not for sale/trade though, so please dont ask.
 
Which items of yours would you like to trade for mine?

Alex:
do you have pics of the statues and the old bike?

Me:
Here is a picture of my eisenhower statue.  The other one is just like it but its in storage.  Also here is a picture of my bike.  It is very comfortable and has been through alot of funny stories that I can tell you if you want to know them.  Like the time I rode it naked through my college campus (THATS A GOOD STORY – YOULL LIKE THE END!)

bikeeisenstatue

Alex:
What do you want to trade for the statue.

Me:
How about the guitar/amp, waterfall and either the laptop or the car sound system?

Alex:
Ill give you the guitar alone for it.

Me:
You drive a hard bargain.  Eisenhower was a great president and this is a great statue.  He looks really funny when you put different hats on him  (One time my friend put a KKK hood over it – really funny looking) – What kind of guitar is it?

Alex:
Fender. How much is the statue worth?

Me:
It is truly one of a kind so I would say it is almost priceless.  What kind of Fender?  Strat? Telly? Is it American made or Mexican?

Alex:
american strat the neck was replaced a year ago.

Four days later…

Me: 
I am embarassed to admit this, but I broke my statue while trying to get it ready to trade with you.  I have been trying to put it back together for the last couple days, this is why you have not heard from me.  I got most of it back together, but it doesnt really look like Dwight D Eisenhower anymore.  Still interested?

Alex:
nope

Me:
It sort of looks like a down syndrome Tom Bergeron now.  So maybe that could be interesting?

Alex:
maybe not.

__________________________________________________________

Oh SNAP!  

Just think, with this one trade, Alex could have become the world’s foremost conniseur of “Tom Bergeron afflicted with Down Syndrome” art.

Looks like you missed the boat on this one Alex! 

Well, maybe I’ll invite you to my T.B.A.W.D.S gallery when it opens.

maybe not.

Namaste.

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DO NOT WANT

May 13, 2009

Are you a dog lover and can help me now? (SFV)


Reply to: *****
Date: 2009-05-13, 1:10AM PDT

need help washing my dog. basically need someone to come feed her treats while I wash her in the tub, need to do it tonight.  in return we can also wash your dog or I can give a deep tissue sports massage?

just looking for kind dog lover that will not flake and be able to show up asasp.

-at 1:10 in the morning?!

___________________________________________________________

Lets wash a dog! 

Me:  I could probably help you if you can help me in turn.  What is your pups name?  How come he needs a washing so bad?

Namaste friend,
Ty

Dan:   LOL she does not smell bad or anything LOL
she is just over due for a bath thats all LOL

her nane is Lola by the way

and what do you mean ” …  if you can help me in turn ” ?
what do you need help with ?

also what does ” Namaste friend ”  mean ?

Thanks
Dan

-I can already tell this will be a great conversation…

Dan (10 mins later): Hello.  What happed? Did i loose you ?   :)

-woah, easy there tiger.  Its been ten whole minutes.  I sure hope you didn’t “loose” me…

Me:  I require assistance curing some hides from various animals that have met their fate at my bow.

And “Namaste” means ‘I bow to you’ in India.  “friend” is a cordial term for another person. 

I am especially effective at soothing canines.  Lola sounds like a loyal companion.

Namaste,
Ty

Dan:  Wow  why do you seem like your talking a diffrent language than english ? LOL

i know i am not dumb but your going way over my head LOL
Can you please stick to simple plain english  :)

i still have No idea what you need me to help you do
can you please be more specific ?

Me:  I am a great hunter.  I have many pelts that need to be treated, dried, cured, etc – so that they may be sold and traded at market.  Pelts are the hides from animals like otters, beavers, rabbits, wolves, bears, cows, squirrels, cats, raccoons, bobcats, lynx, marmots.  All the beautiful creatures of the wild.

Dan:  And do you mean you can help me out tonight ?
I am assuming your not too far from west LA / santa monica

Name ?   M ?  F ?

Dan here
thank you

Me:  I am Ty Wilsone.  M.  I can get to santa monica with the swiftness of a salmon.

Dan:  Well TY, its hard for me to say yes to helping you out since i have no idea what that process entails ..

why cant we stick to helping you wash your pet or even giving you a massage …  LOL
Where are you located ?

there are a couple of pics of Lola and one of myself
So your meeting complete strangers  hahadbdbdb

loladog

 

 

 

 

 

 

– oh dear God…

Me:  This is not what I desire!

__________________________________________________________

I feel like I need to take a shower after this email…

And maybe a massage?

Namaste.