A Tribal Tattoo, of sorts

July 6, 2009

DOPE TATTOOS! (CHATSWORTH )


Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-07-02, 11:16AM PDT

OFFERING MY TATTOO SERVICES FOR THE FOLLOWING OR CASH!

BLURAY PLAYER
LCD HDTV
35″ TIRES
MACBOOKS, IBOOK, POWERBOOK G4, ETC.
PRO RECORDING STUDIO EQUIPMENT
REFRIGERATOR

LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GOT AND MAYBE WE CAN WORK SOMETHING OUT!

lion

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

___________________________________________________________

Me:
I have many things.  lets trade

Pain (yeah, that’s his “name”):
WHAT DO YOU HAVE? 

CAN YOU LIST ME YOUR STUFF?

Me: 
Yes.  I have…

  • HDTV
  • bag of animal hair (few different kinds of animals)
  • knife collection
  • Laptop
  • rhino horn (REAL)
  • some small taxidermy animals (moles, mice, squirrels – that type of thing)
  • Ipod video
    some “spices” and “herbs” from far away places

I would like a tattoo that will honor my heritage and the proud traditions of my people.

Pain:
hdtv is cool! what brand and size?

what tattoo are you trying to do?

also the laptop, what kind and specs?

Me:
The hdtv is Mitsuhishi (not mitsubishi)  It is a knock off from Japan but works pretty good most of the time.  It is a 26 inch screen.  I bought it while on a round the world trip of the world.  I have some wonderful pictures I could show you if you want (NOT NAKED)
 
The laptop an acer.  13″. 1.2ghz 256mb ram. has dvd/cd burner but there is an “adult” film stuck in the drive – so you’ll need to be at least 18 to get this from me.  I hope this is not a problem.  It is a good film.
 
I was thinking of something with an indian warrior.  My specific tribal ancestors were very violent.  They often ripped their prisoners hearts out of their chest.  So maybe a warrior splitting open a rib cage and reaching in the chest cavity for the heart.  You seem very skilled so I dont think this would be a problem would it?  Do you think it is too gruesome?
 
Thank you for your quick replies,
Ty

Pain:
ARE YOU TRYING TO DO A BACKPIECE?
SOMETHING WITH THAT MUCH DETAILS WOULD BE MORE APPRECIATING IN A LARGER SCALE
TO SEE MORE DETAILS. AND NO IT ISNT TOO GRUESOME. AND YES I AM WAY OVER 18.
IS THE TV AN LCD FLAT PANEL?
WHEN DO YOU WANT TO GET STARTED? DO YOU HAVE ANY PICS OF YOUR ANCESTORS THAT I
CAN VIVE OFF OF?

Me:
A backpiece sounds like a good idea.  I would like it to be very detailed and I think you can do it very good.
 
 I have spoken to a friend about it and he believes there should also be like two wolves (maybe just one) that belong to the warrior also tearing at the dead prisoner’s body, being loyal to their master. There should also be a squaw (indian woman) in the background who is just barely covering her nipples with either her hair or her hands.  Or do you think her nipples should show? I value your input.
 
 She should also be looking at the warrior with a little bit of lust in her eye.  And I would like her to have braids.  Her breasts should be quite large (not comically large – just full, like when a woman is nursing)  She should not be naked on her lower half though.  Do you think it would look better with the sun in the sky or a full moon?
 
The tv is flat screen but it is very heavy,  And I am glad you are over 18, you will like the movie in the dvd drive very much.
 
I have attached a picture similar to what my ancestors looked like.  Very imposing and majestic dont you think?  Would you like me to find an indian woman too for inspiration?

my people

 

 

 

 

 

Pain: 
so the tv isnt one of those thins tvs you can mount on the wall?

Me: 
No you can.  It is just heavy.  Just need a good mount.

Pain:
COOL! I WILL DRAW IT UP AND TAKE IT FROM THERE.

___________________________________________________________

It’s been three days and “Pain” never got back to me.  On one hand, I am sad that I don’t have a hilariously violent sketch to share with you of an Indian, aided by his trusty wolves,  ripping out the heart from his enemy’s chest cavity while a lustfull squaw looks on.

On the other hand, I’m really grateful that I didn’t have to tell some tattoo artist named “Pain” who had spent hours on back piece sketch why I would no longer be seeking his services.

But hey – if YOU would like to try your hand at sketching this wonderful tattoo, feel free to send me a sketch at tyler.funwithcraigslist@gmail.com.  If you’re not artistically inclined – all the better, it will just be funnier.

If I get a few, I’ll post them on my blog.   Just imagine how famous you could become.

Namaste.


A Bloody Good Deal

June 24, 2009

Used Restaurant Equipment Needed (Phoenix)


Reply to:****
Date: 2009-05-29, 12:39PM MST

Used restaurant equipment needed. Kitchen equipment, tables, chairs, counters. Reply only if equipment is clean, good price and in good working condition.
___________________________________________________________

Me:
We had a terrible accident at our restaurant.  It is now closed.  We are hoping to sell the majority of our equipment.  Would you be interested?

Jennifer:
yes call 602-418-****

Me:
Cannot call curently (legal reasons) – We have three large refrigerators, a freezer unit, stove, dishwasher, and other equipment.  Some were involved in the “accident” – does that matter?

Jennifer:
can we see the equipment

Me:
Most of it is currently being held as evidence but I can send you some pictures I took before the “incident” – Would that be okay?  I included a picture of one of the refridgerators.

fridge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jennifer:
yes we are inrerest does the equipment still look like useable equipment

Me:
Yes – they may need some heavy cleaning/scrubbing though.  Most of the units are stainless steel though, so I dont think it will take too much to remove the blood.  There are some scratches and marks from the “event” that will not come out but they are cosmetic and should not effect the usability of the various appliances.  Sorry if this is startling.

Jennifer:
call us when you are ready

Me:
I’d be willing to sell for less if you can handle the cleaning yourself.  I really cant imagine dealing with it.  I still can hear the screams and yeah, I’d just much rather not have to bother with it.  Everything does work really good though.  Wish I didnt have to sell it all.

Jennifer:
we also buy tables chairs any thing to do with restaurant keep in mind

Me:
No furniture.  Most was burned and whats left is in no condition to ever be used again.
 
Ever.

Jennifer:
where is your restaurant located?

Me:
Do you buy kitchen supplies too?  We have a good set of professional kitchen knives.  It is only missing the meat cleaver.
__________________________________________________________

Jennifer was awfully persistent.  I like that she was willing to buy equipment that had obviously been part of a terrible accident/murder as long as the price was right. 

But I guess when it came down to it, no murder weapon = no sale.

Namaste.