Can you dig it?

June 15, 2009

>>View lots, ROSE HILLS Memorial Park – $2499 (whittier)

Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-06-10, 2:41PM PDT

Mariposa terrace lots 717, no.1-2
Beautiful view lots, 3rd lot from Rose Chapel.
near corner of main road. $2499 each



Me:  Hello.

Do these have to be paid for before you die?


Robert:  yes pay the lots before it can be transfer in your name, and before you die.

Me:  Are there any other Sal Fontaines in the cemetery?  I don’t want people to get confused if they try to visit me  (well, my body).  I will have many visitors.  (I hope)

PS – your cemetery sounds nice

Robert:  I don’t think we can answer that, we have no idea.

Me:  You do not keep records of who is buried in your cemetery?  This is worrisome.  Perhaps I am misunderstanding you.

Robert:  we are not the Rose Hills memorial park, we own this lots acquired from Rose Hills.

Me:  Oh now I understand.  Are these plots previously used?  (I don’t mind if they are, I just hope the bodies have been removed/decomposed before I need the plots)

Sorry for that confusion.

Robert:  NO!!!!! NEW LOTS.

Me:  You are very passionate about this, I like that!!  Its good to find someone trustworthy on craigslist!!  So, are there any Sal Fontaines near your plots?  I understand you do not have info on all graves in the cemetery, but are there within say, 100 feet of these plots?

Robert:  I suggest you check that with Rose Hills, I have no idea.

Me:  That is a good idea, I just was checking to see if you knew off the top of your head.  Do you know if all races/religions are allowed to be buried at Rose Hills?  Do you want cash?

Robert:  All religions are welcome in this park. Of course I want cash, or bank transfer or cashier check or western union.

Me:  This is good.  Most cemetery’s frown on Satanists or they hide them in some terrible, dark, out of the way section of the cemetery.  But is this fair to all my Satanist (and some non-Satanist) friends that want to come visit me? No.  I’m glad to hear I’ll be able to be buried here without causing any problems or getting any grief.  That’s what America is all about. 

Would you like cash or cashiers check better?

Oh and can Rose Hills do standing burials?  (That’s when the body and casket are stood up vertically in the grave rather than horizontally)

You’re the best,


Robert:  by the way, that is 2 lots, I cannot sell one only. It should come by two.

Me:   That is perfect.  I want to be buried in two pieces anyways.  I will just put half in one and half in the other.  This wouldn’t be a problem would it?

Robert:  You will be paying twice instead, or you can sell the other one later. $2499 each..

Me:  Never mind Robert,  I think I have made a grave mistake.


Yeah… That. Just. Happened.



Charcoal or Gas?

May 19, 2009


Reply to:****
Date: 2009-05-18, 10:09AM PDT


Me: Greetings friend, is your bbq still available?

Joe: hello please call (818) 610 **** because we had 2 bbq and i will tell you which one we sold which one is still in thank you .

Me: Would your BBQ be good for cremating small mammals? I believe my favorite hamster, Pablo Escabar XIV will be passing away soon. I would like to cremate him in a respectful manner. Sorry for the strange question.

Joe: no problem its ok
and yes it would be

Me: I really dont mean to be creepy or morbid, I just have alot of pets that I love. (Though some I like more than others!) It’s just getting so expensive to keep cremating them all, so I figured in these hard economic times, this would be a good way for me to cut costs while still respecting my little furry friends and their transition to the afterlife.

What do you think is the biggest animal that could fit on it?



No reply from Joe.

I guess I’ll never know if Fleabag and Mr. Ugly would have fit on Joe’s BBQ.



Coke Addict

April 28, 2009



Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-04-28, 1:46AM PDT

Coca Cola Tin that looks like a Coke bottle. This tin is in wonderful condition, no chips, dents or scratches. The top is hinged on the left side and opens. It measures in inches approx.: 4 W x 13 L x 3.5 H.











First Email

Is this wonderful tin still available?

Namaste good friend,


Yes the tin is still available.  If you tell me where you are located I can arrange a convenient location where we can meet for you to see it.

Second Email

Oh wonderful.  This is sort of strange to ask but, my father recently passed and loved Coca Cola.  I was hoping to find something like this to put his ashes in.  Is it big enough to hold about 5lbs of ash?

I apologize if this is startling :-\


2nd Reply

Sorry to hear about your father.  Tin is large but it might work.  The size is 4 W x 13 L x 3.5 H.  What do you think.

Third Email

Hmmm, I’m not sure.  Well,maybe I could put like half of him in that and then like store the rest of his ashes in just like a 2liter coke bottle until I can find another tin or other suitable container.  That wouldn’t be too disrespectful would it?  He did love Coke after all!

Sometimes I wonder if maybe if he loved diet coke he would have lived longer :(  



3rd Reply

you could try putting the other ashes in another Coke tin.  Do not use the 2 liter bottle, because it is made of plastic and would not be a suitable container even if temporary.

Fourth Email

I suppose you’re right.  I don’t even have a funnel – it would be very difficult to get the ashes down the skinny opening of a 2 liter bottle.  That could have been very messy!  Thank you for the advice.

Is this the only tin you have?

P.S. – Someone told me that the “ashes” are just the ground up bones.  Do you know if that is true?


4th Reply

This is the only tin I have.  When would you like to see it.

Well, I couldn’t just leave Shirley hanging, so I sent one last email to her…

Fifth Email

Shirley, I spoke to some people in my family and they dont like my idea very much :(  They claim its disrespectful and that as far as they remember, he didn’t even like Coke that much more than other drinks.  :-
Sorry for the confusion – but thank you for the help, I hope you find a buyer for your nice tin
Namaste and blessings,



So what did we learn from Shirley? 

  • Should you store your father’s ashes in a coke bottle shaped tin?   Sure!
  • Should you store his leftover ashes in a 2 liter bottle?  No!
  • Are cremation “ashes” just the powder from ground up bones?            I guess we’ll never know.