Can you dig it?

June 15, 2009

>>View lots, ROSE HILLS Memorial Park – $2499 (whittier)

Reply to: ****
Date: 2009-06-10, 2:41PM PDT

Mariposa terrace lots 717, no.1-2
Beautiful view lots, 3rd lot from Rose Chapel.
near corner of main road. $2499 each



Me:  Hello.

Do these have to be paid for before you die?


Robert:  yes pay the lots before it can be transfer in your name, and before you die.

Me:  Are there any other Sal Fontaines in the cemetery?  I don’t want people to get confused if they try to visit me  (well, my body).  I will have many visitors.  (I hope)

PS – your cemetery sounds nice

Robert:  I don’t think we can answer that, we have no idea.

Me:  You do not keep records of who is buried in your cemetery?  This is worrisome.  Perhaps I am misunderstanding you.

Robert:  we are not the Rose Hills memorial park, we own this lots acquired from Rose Hills.

Me:  Oh now I understand.  Are these plots previously used?  (I don’t mind if they are, I just hope the bodies have been removed/decomposed before I need the plots)

Sorry for that confusion.

Robert:  NO!!!!! NEW LOTS.

Me:  You are very passionate about this, I like that!!  Its good to find someone trustworthy on craigslist!!  So, are there any Sal Fontaines near your plots?  I understand you do not have info on all graves in the cemetery, but are there within say, 100 feet of these plots?

Robert:  I suggest you check that with Rose Hills, I have no idea.

Me:  That is a good idea, I just was checking to see if you knew off the top of your head.  Do you know if all races/religions are allowed to be buried at Rose Hills?  Do you want cash?

Robert:  All religions are welcome in this park. Of course I want cash, or bank transfer or cashier check or western union.

Me:  This is good.  Most cemetery’s frown on Satanists or they hide them in some terrible, dark, out of the way section of the cemetery.  But is this fair to all my Satanist (and some non-Satanist) friends that want to come visit me? No.  I’m glad to hear I’ll be able to be buried here without causing any problems or getting any grief.  That’s what America is all about. 

Would you like cash or cashiers check better?

Oh and can Rose Hills do standing burials?  (That’s when the body and casket are stood up vertically in the grave rather than horizontally)

You’re the best,


Robert:  by the way, that is 2 lots, I cannot sell one only. It should come by two.

Me:   That is perfect.  I want to be buried in two pieces anyways.  I will just put half in one and half in the other.  This wouldn’t be a problem would it?

Robert:  You will be paying twice instead, or you can sell the other one later. $2499 each..

Me:  Never mind Robert,  I think I have made a grave mistake.


Yeah… That. Just. Happened.




May 18, 2009

Wood picture frames x3 – $15 (USC)

Reply to: *****
Date: 2009-05-18, 11:12AM PDT

Dimensions height 28″, length 40″ width 1″ Excellent condition, pick up only. Scenic, relaxing pictures can be included.

Email me your interest….thanks


(I think this says… “DESTINY – Yours involves a ton of rowing”)


Me: Are your wooden frames still available?

Will: Yes they are still available, and they have posters in them if you would like those as well.  You can pick them up anytime today or tomorrow.  My phone number is (847) 529-****.  Call or e-mail me back and let me know when you can come.  Will

Me: Do the posters contain any satanic imagery?

Will: No, the posters are just scenic, nature posters.  One is a picture of a hammock on the beach, one is a canoe on the ocean, and other relaxing pictures.  The posters can be easily removed if you don’t want them, but if you do we can just keep them in the frames.  Call or e-mail me back and let me know.

Me: Can I put some satanic imagery in them?

Will: Yes you can put anything you want in the frames, I can easily take out the pictures I have in them.

Me: Alright, I have spoken with my advisor, and I would like to purchase your satanic images.  We would like any and all satanic imagery that you have.  (Please consider us before anyone else who may have inquired about them)


Will didn’t get back to me.

What the Hell?